


A Love of Flowers and Ink

by Consulting_TARDIS_Hunter



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Oblivious John, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Sherlock Holmes, Pre-Relationship, Rating May Change, Sherlock Holmes is Bad at Feelings, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 23:45:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15130364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Consulting_TARDIS_Hunter/pseuds/Consulting_TARDIS_Hunter
Summary: A soulmate AU where tattoos grow over your skin when you meet your soulmate and certain relationship milestones are passed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I found this in my memos page and I honestly don't know how this happened, but if you want it continued please leave a comment and kudos is always appreciated.

I took off my cotton nightshirt after turning on the light, praying that John was still asleep in his own room or he might think something was amiss. I kept my eyes closed until I face the mirror.  
  
It's just as I thought, that bloody mark was starting to grow over my chest. Flowing in intricate patterns across my pectorals and starting to travel down my ribcage, slowly starting to take a definite shape. There was the start of flower petals coming from the dot that started over my heart, the swirling patterns looked almost like vines.  
  
I prayed that it didn't spread any further, lest John see it creeping up my neck or when I lift my arms in a too short shirt, I really didn't need any of that soul mate talk from him. We could be one of the rare cases where one is their soul mate and the other isn't. With my luck, that's exactly it.  
  
I've always hated this bloody soul mate system, doesn't help that my mark is so noticeable even before I met John. I mean, a black dot about the size of your fist over your chest is pretty noticeable even with this system.  
  
I couldn't help but trace the pattern over with my finger, following the lines and predicting how it would grow further on, if I let it anyway. Finally I settled my hand over the black dot with a sigh.  
There was a knock at the door and I went to answer it without a second thought. Suddenly I came back to myself when I saw John about to say something when the words died on his lips while he stared at my torso.  
  
_Oh Lord. Quick say something biting and he'll snap out of it or leave me alone._  
  
"Do you need something?" I move the door slightly to keep him from seeing so much of my torso. He still seemed to be dazed while he stared and slowly dragged his eyes up to lock with my own.  
  
_Now I know why people find my own staring disturbing._  
  
"Well if you're going to just stand there gaping like a sodding goldfish..." I started to close the door.  
  
"Wait." He said it so quietly that if I wasn't listening for it I would've missed it. I slowly opened the door and looked at him expectantly.  
  
"Who... who is it?" He seemed almost sad, or timid. I couldn't tell from his tone.  
  
_Quick play dumb. Let's see if he'll leave it alone._  
  
"Who is what?" I ask in what I hope is a biting tone, opening the door fully. "What did you even come here for, aren't you supposed to be asleep?"  
  
_Not the best way to put him on the defensive, but it works._  
  
"Don't play dumb Sherlock, you know exactly who I'm talking about. You're supposed to be asleep too, you know." John is closer then I remember, like he's trying to get into my personal space.  
  
"Why do you want to know? It's not like it matters." I take a couple of steps back, John takes two steps forward.  
  
"It does matter Sherlock, I want to know because... because... I'm happy you found someone." I know he's lying somehow, I don't know why though.  
  
"You're hesitating." I finally look him in the eyes.  
  
"Of course I'm hesitating, this is a... how do I say this? Delicate subject and I know you don't like to talk about emotions but-"  
  
_Oh God I have to cut him off here before he starts on this whole emotional monologue._  
  
"Then let's not talk about it. We don't need to waste time on something this pointless." I rolled my eyes and tried to get him back to the door.  
  
"This isn't pointless Sherlock, why are you so defensive? Is it because of who your soulmate is? Do you know who your soulmate is?" John doesn't seem like he's budging.  
  
"Of course I know who it is, what kind of question is that?" I kept trying to get him out, praying that he left before I say something stupid.  
  
"Then you should have no problem telling me who, if it doesn't matter to you." I know he's trying to break me down.  
  
"It may not matter to me but it may matter to him." I say deadpan.  
  
_Oh dear Lord I messed up._  
  
"A him then. Does he know that you're soulmates?" John is still trying for something, why?  
  
"I don't think so, can't we just leave this off and get to why you came down here?" I will deny till the day I die that was a whine.  
  
"Alright, I just wanted to talk to you about the way you treated Sara today. You really need to work on your people skills." He's really trying to be stern.  
  
"Why, you can clearly see she isn't the one. Just ask her, I think she knows it to." It's the truth, and it probably hurts.  
  
"You don't know that Sherlock, how can you?" _Oh dear he's getting angry again._  
  
"I do know that. There's a way soul mates move around each other and talk, with you two that isn't it." Am I getting angry, it sounds like it.  
  
"You haven't even see two soul mates besides your parents, maybe that's the way they move and talk." _Does he really want her to be his? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe they are soulmates. And I'm left out in the dust._  
  
"Yes, I have. Lestrade and my brother move the same way, it's always that click between people. I would know." I replied, gesturing to the tattoo spanning my torso. We both knew it was missing some of the beginning pieces of the soulmate bond and relationship.  
  
His demeanour softens. "He doesn't know, does he?" He sounds almost consoling, it pisses me off even more.  
  
"Don't change the subject John. Why are you with her when you both know you aren't soulmates?!" I didn't mean for it to come out like that but what's done is done.  
  
"Not all love has to be for soul mates, since I haven't found out who mine is I'm giving it all to her. Once I find who she is, I'll give her all that and more, alright Sherlock?" His tone is still that consoling thing, it's like he's trying to comfort me about my own woes. I can't help but just nod and swallow back my own words, it feels like I'm going to cry. It seems that he notices this and puts a hand on my arm, the most awkward way to comfort someone. "We'll talk more in the morning, alright? Just get some sleep." With that he leaves to his own room, closing the door behind him.  
  
I sigh with relief and put back on my shirt, flopping back onto the bed. I try to take a deep breath and just end up with a sob, so I try again. The sob comes out even louder so I just turn over onto my stomach and hold a pillow to my face to muffle myself. My crying is starting to border on ridiculous as I try to pull myself together, I can't help but think about John comforting me through this. It makes me cry even more.  
  
Eventually I cry myself out and am too exhausted to do anything but sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John have another talk, trying to broach the subject of soulmates.

I think I slept more than usual because when I wake up the smell of tea and eggs waft through the air. I feel like a mess as I get out of bed and get on some real clothes, looking at myself in the mirror I realize I look just like I feel. I brush out my hair and splash water on my face before going out to the living room.  
  
"Morning Sherlock, there's eggs if you want them." John says simply, reading the morning paper while he drinks tea. Seems I slept in much longer than I thought, he finished eating already.  
  
I nod gratefully and go to the kitchen to eat. I'm glad he didn't broach the subject of soulmates this early in the morning, letting me eat before bombarding me... even though I normally don't afford him such a courtesy.  
  
After I finish eating I go back to the living room and lay down on the couch, facing the back of it. I hear John sigh and set the paper down.  
  
"Do you want to talk about this?" He asks softly, like he's trying not to startle an already frightened animal. _Oh God is he coddling me?_  
  
"Do be more specific, there's a lot of things we can talk about." I reply, still facing the back of the couch and being this close to curling up. He may call me a child for this but I don't care.  
  
"The soulmate tattoo Sherlock. It's clearly eating at you." I hear him set down his tea cup and the slight shuffling of clothing, crossing his legs then. _Christ this is serious._  
  
"John, we both know this isn't exactly important or as you say, eating at me. You're just curious." My comment doesn't exactly come out as harsh as I want seeing as I'm facing the couch back and curled up like a child, but I try.  
  
John sighs for the second time in at least ten minutes before saying, "You're right, I am curious, but I can see it eating at you. I... also heard you crying and I can only assu-" _I can't handle him saying it. Have to cut him off so it doesn't get too emotional._  
  
"Don't. Don't assume why I was crying. We both know you really don't want answer and you're just trying to pry open my emotions so you can figure out what poor sod is unknowingly entangled with me. At least be up front with me about it. Don't treat me like I'm stupid." I bite out, finally turning over to face him and sit up. I can't help it as I hold the snarl building up in my throat by a thin leash.  
  
"That's not what I'm trying to do at all, I just want to help you work through this Sherlock. You need to tell him." John's staying unbearably calm through this, his tone like he's trying to soothe a small child in a clinic and goddamnit it's almost working.  
  
"I can't John, he'll never accept it. I don't even know if him and I are one of _those_ cases. If we are and I tell him... he'll leave. I can't have him leave John, I'll never be able to forgive myself." I try to make my words grind together, cutting. But they just come out... tired. _When did I lose control over myself?_  
  
"I could help you tell him, phrase it how you need." John's still trying to placate me, even opening up his body language. It makes my mind more riled with a swirl of unsaid words to make him leave.  
  
"Did you not just hear me? He'll. Leave. Want to know why? He's straight. He always insists as such. I'll be perfectly fine with him and I just living as the closest to friends I've ever gotten besides you. I don't need to work out anything with him about," I gesture over my clothes chest with a barely restrained anger and disgust. "This. Alright? So just because your love life isn't working out as well as you wish with whatever-her-name-is that doesn't mean you need to invade mine." I growl out my words and stand, trying to make myself bigger so he'll just leave. _That did it._  
  
John's expression hardens and he gets up, walking to the coat rack angrily. "Clearly you want to be alone. I'll be at _Sara's_ until you get yourself sorted out and won't be coming back before. I'll see you later." He stomped out while still putting on his jacket.  
  
I sigh and flop back onto the couch, alone with my thoughts at least for the day.  
  
_How the hell am I going to do this and not lose him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing and I don't even know what to title the chapters, so if you have any ideas for chapter titles feel free to tell me. And as always kudos and comments are appreciated.
> 
> P.S: This goes for all chapters, it will probably seem OOC since I write these when I have writers block for other fanfic or parts of my novel I'm writing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John realized a few things as he talks with Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stole my brother's hotspot just to publish this, so I won't be able to respond to comments for awhile. My apologies for not publishing sooner, mostly because I don't have internet access.

I storm out of the flat so Sherlock will realize he needs to actually work out his problems and not just let them fester until he can't work them out anymore. I hail a cab and only talk to the cabbie to tell him where I'm going, trying to seem like I don't want to talk.  
  
When I get there and pay the cabbie, I pray that she's home when I knock on the door. "Just a minute!" I hear her call before the door is opened a couple minutes later.  
  
"Hey, I thought you weren't gonna come over today." Sara says, letting me inside and closing the door behind me.  
  
"I wasn't but, well, there was a change of plans." I reply, chuckling nervously while hanging up my coat. By the time I'm through with that she's already in the kitchen making tea.  
  
"Sherlock being stupid again?" At my moment of silence after she says that she laughs quietly. "I swear, you two are more of a couple than we are." Her tone is joking of course but it still riles me just a little. I laugh along with her as I sit down to talk with her.  
  
"So, what is he being stupid about now?" She asks when the tea is done and she's carrying it out.  
  
"Well, it's pretty complicated even for us. He has a soulmate." I reply as I take my tea, knowing she's probably gonna drop it at the news.  
  
"Really, who is she?" Sara asks excitedly, plopping down in her chair like a schoolgirl listening to teen gossip. **Come to think of it, this is basically gossip.**  
  
"He. And I don't know, he gets really irritated and won't tell me. Apparently his soulmate doesn't know they're soulmates." I say with a tinge of sympathy for him, taking a sip of tea. "I'd hate to be in his position.  
  
"Do you think they're one of those cases?" Sara takes a sip of her tea to hide the sympathy in her own voice.  
  
"God I hope not, Sherlock would be crushed." I look down into my cup for a moment. "He already seems like he is."  
  
"How do you mean?" She leans forward a little, setting down her cup.  
  
"Everytime we talk about soulmates he gets snappish, but he looks sad and... tired. He says that soulmates are pointless but is irritated at people being with someone who isn't their soulmate. It's... confusing." I lean back and hold my head, still trying to wrap my head around our arguments that we've had about this "system" as he sometimes calls it, or "reoccurring phenomena".  
  
"Maybe he's just irritated because of who his soulmate is." Sara suggests, looking over my posture. I raise a brow at her, giving her a look. After a moment she decides to elaborate. "It could be someone he's put away, or someone of a past he's trying to escape, or maybe even someone he hates. I've seen it happen a couple times, mum likes to call it soul enemies." She chuckles to herself which almost dispels my tension.  
  
"Could be, but his tattoo shows he's in something like a relationship, but I've never seen him with anyone." I reply, my hands moving away from my head in a subtle gesture.  
  
"People can have lives away from their flatmates you know. Maybe his soulmate lives far away now, or he just visits him." She seems to remember she has tea and starts to drink it again. **Why is it everytime we're together we talk about Sherlock? Better change the subject.**  
  
"Well, who knows with him. I just hope he sorts it out." I take a drink as well before leaning forward again. Sara takes this as the end of the conversation and changes the subject for me; it feels almost like small talk with her and my mind can't help but come back to Sherlock and his... issue. Normally with conversations like this that I have with Sherlock, I hang on every word but with Sara I seem to space out. **God, that's terrible.**  
  
Eventually it reaches nighttime and we're just heading off to bed, as I'm taking off my shirt to change into the pajamas she loaned me that were once her brother's, I can't help but catch a glimpse of my chest in the mirror. It makes me take a second look. Vines and flowers are slowly starting to bloom over my chest, they look vaguely familiar. With how far along they are I wonder how I haven't noticed before. I slowly put the other shirt on and change into the pajama pants.  
  
I walk into the bedroom and look at Sara's half asleep form, nightshirt hanging off her shoulder. My eyes try to focus on the designs on her chest only to find nothing. **Sherlock was right. We aren't soulmates.**  
  
"Hey, are you just gonna stare at me or are you coming to bed and cuddling with me?" Sara asks playfully, a sleepy mumble hinting in her voice as she smiles.  
  
"Yeah, just, sorry about that." I answer, trying not to let on what's going through my mind when I lay down and hold her in my arms.  
  
**How in the hell do I deal with this?**


	4. Chapter 4

John didn't come home last night, I thought he was just going to let me stew for the day and sneak in during the night while he thought I was asleep. I stayed up for awhile with the lights off to see if he would come in. Now I'm feeling a bit worried.  
  
I woke up and turned on the tea kettle, looking to see if John came home. No sign of his coat, no shoes. _Still at Sara's. I fucked up._  
  
After having a cup of tea and a piece of toast, I hear the door open quietly. John doesn't acknowledge me as he gets a cup of tea. "Morning." I say quietly to him as I put my cup into the sink.  
  
"Morning Sherlock. Look I'm... I'm sorry that I stormed out yesterday." John says hesitantly as he gets a cup of tea. _Don't show any emotion. Don't show how worried you_ were _._  
  
"It's fine, you believed it was best at the time." I reply, leaving the room.  
  
"No, it's not. You're at a vulnerable point and need someone to talk to about your soulm-" _Need to interrupt him. Can't have it getting too deep._  
  
"I said, it's fine. Just leave it and I'll handle it, I've formed a plan while you were out. It... helped." I try my best to keep my tone neutral, harder than I thought. I sit down and get into the laptop.  
  
I hear John hum in acknowledgement and I feel him staring at me when he goes into his own chair. After a few minutes of him sipping his tea and staring I have to say something.  
  
"I can hear the gears in your head turning, what is it?" I say, not even looking away from the screen, continuing what looks like casework.  
  
"Well, uh, I know this is a sensitive subject but..." He trails off and I have a feeling about what he's going to say.  
  
"You want to see the tattoo again, don't you?" I look up now just to see the look on his face as he nods. _Don't seem hopeful, even though he realized that Sara wasn't his soulmate last night._  
  
I sigh and set the laptop to the side, standing up. "Alright." I take my shirt and set it to the side, taking a slow breath. "Examine me doctor _." I couldn't resist_.  
  
I see the smile hinting at John's face as he looks at the tattoo, taking a couple hesitant steps forward. "May I?" He asks, seeing me nod, he reaches out slowly to touch the black mark over my heart, palm now flat against it.  
  
I study his face as if it's the last time I'll see it, filing the warmth of his hand against my chest in my mind palace. I almost miss the smaller steps closer and closer to me until his head is flat against my chest. Then, John mumbles something I couldn't catch. "What was that?"  
  
"You were right. She wasn't my soulmate." He closes his eyes as I wrap my arms around him.   
  
"I'm sorry." John tilts his head up to look at me now, looking almost confused.  
  
"For what? You were trying to spare me the heartache. I would thank you but it might encourage you to do that to other people." He smiles at me and chuckles, and when I look at him questioningly he smiles even brighter. "I'm fine, really, I just... I don't know what to do now."  
  
I take a moment to gather up my words and my courage to ask a question. "Do you, I mean, are you-"  
  
"Do I have a soulmate? Yes, but I don't know who." John replies, his eyes still fixed on my chest. _He hesitated._  
  
"Take off your shirt." I blurt out. _What the hell am I doing? Whatever it is I'm committing to it._  
  
"What?" He asks, looking into my eyes once more, not moving in my hold.  
  
"Oh you know how much I hate repeating myself. I said, take off your shirt. I want to look at your soulmate mark and compare it to ones I know." _It_ _seemed necessary to explain myself to make it seem less odd._  
  
John nods after a moment and backs out of my hold to take off his shirt. What he reveals... it takes my breath away, the beautiful swirling emerald vines tracing over his torso, golden and violet petals blooming from ebony spots scattered over him. It was... fascinating. I couldn't help but stare for a few moments and reach out to touch him, laying my hand splayed across his chest as he did to me.  
  
Upon closer inspection of his tattoo I saw all the familiar markers on my tattoo, we're both missing the key starting points... except for one. The first time we said I love you. But I don't remember saying it or him saying it to me. Then again, I have meant it in some of the other things I've said, same could be true for him. We are quite the unconventional pair after all.  
  
I was so caught up in my thoughts I apparently didn't hear John calling my name a couple times before. "Sherlock? You alright?"  
  
I nod my head slowly and take a moment to compose myself enough to form words. "Fine, I'm fine. Just... I didn't think that..."  
  
"We really are soulmates." John finishes, his smile fond before he pulls me down into a sweet, nearly chaste kiss. _I never thought it could really be true._  
  
It takes me a few moments but I (clumsily) kiss back. This is what I've been waiting for my entire life, this release, this... catharsis. I now understand why people are so happy just... like this.  
  
We pull away as our lungs burn and we watch as another flower bloom across our chests, a midnight blue with grey tips. A mix of our eyes.  
  
_**We're finally okay.**_


End file.
